5 Steps to Stress-Guard Your Family
by: Dr. Tony Fiore
Part 1: Recognize the importance of family stress management
Joe and Emily live in Southern California with their three
young children. Both work and must commute 2 hours daily
on busy freeways, often not getting home until 7:30 PM,
exhausted and depleted.
Stressed, they have little patience for the antics of
their young children. This results in frequent shouting
matches, defiance on the part of the children, and escalating
family tension.
As the above illustrates, stress is often an underlying
cause of anger in family members. Sometimes the stress
is caused by events outside of the family which family
members bring into the home. In other cases, the behavior
of family members creates stress and tension in the home.
In either case, it becomes a problem when parents find
themselves constantly yelling at their children or disagreeing
with each other on parenting strategies.
In the meantime their children continue to do what they
please—or continue bickering and fighting with each
other. When not addressed, stress becomes a major factor
in marital unhappiness and, ultimately, divorce.
Stress and family members Joe and Emily both suffered
individual stress symptoms. These included fatigue, irritability,
angry outbursts, headaches and a discontent with their
lives. They began feeling increasingly distant from each
other.
babys
games health
music
babys1 games2
health2
music2
Babys3
Their children were also stressed-out; tired, irritable,
cranky, and demanding of attention. They often fought with
each other and deliberately did things to get each other
in trouble with their parents.
Symptoms of family stress
Just as individuals can become overloaded and stressed-out,
so can families. To understand how this can happen, we
must remember that families such as Joe and Emily’s
are the basic building block of our society (like most
societies).
Part 2: How empathy reduces family anger
Families consist of two or more people with shared goals
and values and with a long term commitment to each other.
Families are supposed to help children learn how to become
responsible, successful, happy, and well-adjusted adults.
When this no longer happens due to stress, the family unit
becomes dysfunctional —as the family no longer serves
its purpose fully, easily or consistently.
Individual isolation
We can recognize the dysfunctional family by noting that
parents and children no longer turn to each other for support,
encouragement, guidance, or even love. Such family members
may continue to live in the same house—but not feel
emotionally attached to each other. They fail to view their
family as a warm place to retreat to from the stresses
and demands of the outside world.
Stress-Guard your family
Tip #1- Teach your children “resiliency” —the
ability to handle stress and respond more positively to
difficult events. Help your children practice “bouncing
back” by emphasizing the importance of having friends
and being a friend; setting new goals and plans to reach
them, and believing in themselves.
Tip #2– Commit to stable family rituals.
Have a way to leave each other in the morning, and to
re-connect in the evening; have a Sunday morning ritual
or a Friday night family pizza ritual. Rituals create a
sense of security and predictability —both excellent
stress buffers.
Tip #3- Model and teach your children conflict resolution
skills.
Children learn how to handle conflict by watching their
parents. All couples have conflicts; better parents model
good conflict resolution skills for their children. These
skills include compromise, calm discussion, and focus on
problem-solving. Encourage your children to find a way
to resolve their own conflicts rather than jumping in and
punishing one or the other child whom you think (perhaps,
wrongly) is the troublemaker.
Tip #4– Introduce a family “better health” plan.
This includes proper nutrition, exercise, and adequate
sleep each night. The family may also want to look at time
management—and explore how how better time management
might reduce both personal and family stress.
Tip #5- Minimize criticism and take time to support each
other each day.
Excessive criticism is extremely harmful to both children
and parents. Emotional support by family members is an
extremely important buffer to family stress.
About The Author
Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management
trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress
management programs, training and products to individuals, couples,
and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming
The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.
|
